...is a big fat lie! I'm an old dog (nevermind the exact years) and I've just learned to ride a bike albeit like a drunk. That has got to count, doesn't it? Took me approximately 9 hours, spread over 7 days, spread over 3 weeks.
Day 1 So many coaches, couldn't decide which advice to try first. Coach #1 Go downhill without pedaling. Coach #2 Start off by pushing on the pedal with one foot. Coach #3 Practice balancing by sitting like a princess. Coach #4 Blah blah blah... All I could think of was not falling over on the side. But it's better to have numerous tips than none at all.
Day 2 Practice anywhere. Everywhere. Even inside the house.
Day 3 Pick a patient private coach. Feed him before the session. And be patient yourself. Bruise count: 12
Day 4 Do not be afraid to practice where everyone can see you, i.e. on the road outside your house. You can stop when there are cars and people passing for any of these reasons: because of embarrassment or because you don't want to run them over (people) or because you don't want to get run over by them (vehicles).
Day 5 Strangers will: give random words of advice - "look ahead, not on your pedals" - listen; give warnings - "mabun-og ka ana/di ka makat-on hangtod di ka ma injure" - persevere; laugh at you - laugh with them, no one has died by being laughed at, no?
Day 6 Even if you've just recovered from fever, practice. Even if it starts to rain 10 minutes into your practice, go on. Every effort counts. Prepare to get sick again. Bruise count: 4
Day 7 Do not be too serious or you'll attract frustration like Homer Simpson to donuts. But do not keep laughing like a hyena or you'll ride your bike like a drunk. Take it from me.
Next lesson: How to go dizzy by going in circles on a bike.